I once heard of a couple who despite being married many years had not been blessed with children. Eventually the wife became pregnant. There was nothing more she wanted in life than to bring a little Neshomo into the world. Late in the pregnancy she was told that it would be extremely dangerous for her to deliver the child. The doctors advised her not to go ahead with the pregnancy. There was a chance that everything would be all right and because she was so desperate to have a baby she decided to take that chance. The worst predictions of the doctors tragically came true and the father was left to bring up a little boy alone. Later in his life the son became a rebel and left Yiddishkeit behind. He declared to his broken hearted father that he was going to marry out. The father tried everything he could to change his son’s mind but the young man was determined. One day the father asked his son to accompany him to visit his wife’s grave. The boy was suspicious and wanted to know the reason for the visit. The father simply said he wanted them both to visit "Mummy". The young man agreed and they both promptly arrived at the graveside. The father stood there in silence and again the son asked why they had come. The father turned to his son and for the first time told him the story which till now he had kept secret; how and why his mother had died. The boy was stunned and then the father looked up and stared though tear filled eyes at his son’s face. "Now I want you to look at mummy’s grave and tell her it was worth the sacrifice!"

I thought I had found a use for this story not too long ago when a lady came to ask me to help in a similar situation. Her brother in law had lost his wife two years before and now planned to re-marry. The wife-to-be was not Jewish. My enquiries confirmed that the first marriage had been a good one and that husband and wife had been very fond of each other. I told the lady the above story and that I intended to ask her brother in law to take me to his late wife’s grave and declare to her what he intended to do. She looked appalled, after all this would be a drastic course of action indeed. Then she replied that anyway the plan wouldn’t work, "He’s telling everyone including himself that his late wife sent this woman to him!"

Here it was "The Insurmountable Lie". I first met it many years ago when someone asked me to talk a young woman out of her involvement in a religious cult. After three hours talking to the girl I had demolished very single one of her arguments. Then she looked up at me and said " I can’t answer any of your arguments…but I know its Satan speaking whenever you open your mouth!" The Insurmountable Lie, is when someone constructs a Sheker in such a way that does not allow him or her ever to consider the truth. If a person wants something badly enough, then he or she will make sure that nothing, including the truth stands in their way. To keep the truth out he constructs The Insurmountable Lie, as Paro did when Moshe told him that Ha Shem had said to let the Jews leave Egypt. "Who is Ha Shem?" was his reply.

Moshe could have said, "You know! The Ribono Shel Olam whom you took such careful precautions over by drowning Jewish babies rather than killing them in any other way. You knew what He had done at the flood and that He had promised not to bring another flood to the world. You knew that He always punishes Mido Kneged Mido so by acting as you did you felt secure that He could not drown you. You know very well who Ha Shem is.

But of course, the lie that he did not know Ha Shem, gave him free reign to do as he pleased. He clung to it no matter what.

Rabbi Dessler says, everyone who utters a lie does know they are lying. For those who create an "Insurmountable Lie", the truth is so threatening that they do not even want to have to consider it. That was the reason that King Yehoyakim confiscated the newly written scroll of Eichoh and cut out and burned any verses in which Yerimiyohu told the truth of what lay ahead.

It’s what Chazal mean in Eruvin when they say "Reshoim even at the gates to Gihenom, do not do Teshuva."

The Mashmoyes of the Gemora is interesting. At the gates of Gihenom Reshoyim don’t change their minds… but in Gihenom itself, as Korach demonstrated, they do.

The only way to deconstruct the Insurmountable Lie is to create the circumstance where the person deconstructs it himself. For some, they may have to witness their country in ruin and their army drowned. For others they may have to see the walls of Yerushalayim breached. For a few it will require the earth to swallow them up before they can declare, "Moshe Emes V’Torosoh Emes.

I managed to persuade the sister in law to allow me to talk to her relative. I already knew the fellow and it was not difficult to bring the conversation round to the story of the father and the son. Then I made him the offer. Would he be willing to take me to his late wife’s grave and tell her what he intended to do? "Oh yes" he replied "You see I’m convinced she has sent her to me!" His confidence confronted my own and I started to wonder if my plan would work after all. "Alright" I said, "Let’s go now!" and he replied that now was not a convenient time. I suspected that his bravado was typical of someone still standing only at "the gates of Gihenom". "Listen", I continued, "We’ve known each other a long time. I want you to take me there now!" We drove to the Beis Olom and the husband stood staring at his wife’s grave. I certainly did not feel happy having made him come and I stood back while he went to tell his wife of his forthcoming "Simcho". His head fell and his shoulders shook and the only words he had to say were "I’m oh so sorry". The Insurmountable Lie collapsed in pieces. Through a father’s wisdom another "wedding" was off.