Struggling with Memory

 Last November my daughter and I were travelling home on the Motorway very near Manchester. There is something called Aqua Planning , which I knew nothing about, at the beginning of the trip. I was about to discover all it’s intricacies.

There had been heavy rain and we drove at the legal limit of seventy miles per hour. Ahead on the road I saw a pool of water. As we drove through it, the tyres on one side of the car were making contact with the road, the others were spinning on water. That’s what’s called Aqua Planning! The car spun out of control and collided into the crash barrier four times. We demolished one hundred and twenty yards of the barrier before coming to a halt, completely blocking the fast lane.

The Police arrived and soon we were being driven away from the wreck of our car. The journey was full of thoughts of how easily there might not have been a happy ending and the Chesed of Ha Shem Yisborach in keeping us safe and unhurt. I came to a number of conclusions of how I could do more in my Avodas Ha Kodesh to thank the Borei Olom.

Five weeks later I was on a lecture tour of Gibraltar. My flight home would be from Malaga Airport in Spain, which from Gibraltar is a drive of about two hours. I greeted my Spanish Taxi driver at the frontier and said "Como Estas?" And he replied that he was fine "Muy Bien!" He asked the same of me and received the same answer. We climbed into the car and I asked him "Como se Llama Usted" what is your name? And he replied "Manuel".

That was the end of my Spanish but Manuel had got it into his mind that I was fluent; he certainly was. "Los Ingleses son Estupidos" he informed me (The English are Stupid). "Pinochet es Fantastico" (He liked General Pinochet). There was a lot of other stuff about his Mother in Law whom he seemed to dislike even more than the English.

Having established my credentials as a Linguist, I found myself too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t a clue what he was saying, so I responded to Manuel’s constant conversation by saying "Si", with ever increasing degrees of conviction. "Si" "Si!" "SI!"

Then it began to rain. The flow of traffic sensibly slowed down to forty miles per hour. Not so Manuel, he continued at eighty mph while chattering like a bird. I desperately tried to recall the Spanish for "Slow down". I had seen a road sign with the word "Velocidad", which I guessed meant "Speed" so I combined this with desperate hand signs, which were meant to indicate, slowing down. Manuel looked at me, smiled and indicated that he understood, he said "Heh Heh Heh!"

My heart sank as he sped on. I tried again and he laughed some more and then I saw it up ahead; a pool of water covering the entire road. Manuel did some more laughing and drove straight for the pool. The car hit the water, stopped for a Micro second, shuddered and then shot out the other side. I listened attentively for my heart to start beating again.

Manuel said "Heh Heh Heh!"

There were a further six pools of water on that journey and six more times I vividly and horribly relived my recent car crash.

It needed no effort to find myself back in my own spinning car, it was so fresh in my memory.

A few weeks ago we all read the words of the Hagadah which declared that it is a Mitzvah to re-live Yetzias Mitzrayim. And although the Gemora states that HaShem never asks us to do something, which it is impossible to do, it is very hard indeed to see how this can be achieved. It did happen three and a half thousand years ago.

Reb Yerucham zt’l points to something which should be obvious and yet somehow isn’t. When the Hagadah says "Chaiev Odom L’ros Atzmo K’Ilu hu Yotzei M’Mitrayim" it does not say "HaLaylah HaZeh", "On this night", you must see yourself as though you are going out from Egypt. It says you are obligated to see yourself as though you are going out all the time! And that seems to lift the obligation totally beyond our abilities. Without the aids of a Seder night we are supposed to live Yetzias Mitzrayim, constantly!

Reb Yechezkal Levenstein zt’l points to a more insidious problem in achieving this Mitzvah. It is not the obscurity and distance from the event which is the barrier. The very fact that we are too familiar with the story creates a problem.

Reb Simcha Zissel Zt’l wonders how someone could read the story of those Nissim and Wonders that HaShem performed for us and not have his Emunah strengthened and transformed? Yet it is often so. Reb Yechezkel says the problem lies in "Hergel", the very familiarity and known-ness of the story. Having been taught about Yetzias Mitrayim from our earliest years, those very simple images and Peshotim inoculate us against discovering knew depth and insights which could awaken the excitement that Reb Simcha Zissel says should occur. So Reb Yechezkel experiments with some Medroshim which reveal lesser known but exciting facets of the events.

There were separate pathways for each of the Tribes at Krias Yam Suf. The walls of water were completely transparent so that each tribe could see the others and not worry about their welfare.

Still he says, despite these Chidushim, the fire is still not kindled, Chizuk Emunah does not occur.

Reb Yechezkel offers a solution which is very difficult to understand.

He says that we must forget all that we were taught and knew till now about the Geula. We must picture the events as though we had never heard them before.

It is a solution which I have struggled with for three years and like a child being given a Jigsaw which is too advanced for his years, I did not know where to start.

Rabbi Dessler zt’l ignores the Psychological barrier pointed out by Reb Yechezkel and insists that the problem of "Hergel" can be overcome. The more we learn and deeper we make the learning, the more we must come to Hergel’s opposite Chidush!

Chidush creates the essential Chizuk in Emunah that the Hagadah requires.

These two approaches argued with each other in my mind. Each contradicting the other, Reb Yechezkel had already proven that the effects of Hergel defeat Chidush.

A very good friend of mine was sitting Shivo for his father a few weeks ago. I was a Boarder in his house when I first came to Manchester and so I know the family well, or at least I thought I did. His father was elderly and struck me as a fine Yid, a Bal HaBayis a Poshete Yid. Of course there really is no such thing as a "PosheteYid" but is was only at the Shiva that I was dramatically reminded of the fact. It was there that I heard for the first time that the old gentleman I knew, had been orphaned during the first World War. His parents were on a train in Galicia, which was hit by a German shell. At the age of six a little boy was left alone in the world. He was sent to Germany where a Jewish Orphanage took care of him and brought him up.

As a young man he became an Askan in his adopted Kehillah . He soon won their respect and trust. This was demonstrated as the last doors out of Europe were closing on the eve of the World War Two. He was put in charge of a trainload of children, a Kindertransport, the last to take precious and tender Neshomos away from their parents and on to England and safety. When they arrived at Belgium they were stopped by an anti Semitic official who insisted that all of the children’s papers would have to be gone through and checked. This insistence would mean that they would miss the last boat to safety. Their young guardian pleaded with the official and offered a solution. He would stay behind and miss the sailing while the papers were checked. If there was anything out of order, then the English Port could be telegraphed and the children returned. His presence, effectively a hostage, would be the guarantee of their return. The Official accepted the proposal and the children boarded the ship. The Anti-Semite began to go through the large pile of documents. After a while he looked up and considered the huge amount of work he had given himself and how much was still to process. "Ach!" he said "Take them and go!" and so this Yid made it to the boat and England along with his precious charges.

When I heard this story my eyes opened and I sat there literally astonished thinking "Wow!" Was this young hero, really the Poshete Old Yid I knew?

He had gone to his Olom HaBo with hundreds of Neshomos alive through him. The Shaarei Shomayim must have been thrown wide upon his arrival.

That is what both Reb Yechezkel and Rabbi Dessler mean. Hergel will defeat Chidush and confound Chizuk B’ Emunah, unless we are able to erase the simple and familiar understanding completely. We do that as Rabbi Dessler says by finding much deeper understandings of what happened. That means the Chidushim have to be so enormous that complacency is literally blown away and we are left thinking "Wow! So that’s the Peshat! That’s what happened."

That is the Torah’s demand not just a Pesach but constantly. New discoveries and Chidushim in Torah are required at the deepest levels we can manage. When our learning produces the word "Wow!" then we have nothing to fear from Hergel.