A Door Thats Never Closed

A few years ago I was concluding a talk in front of a very large audience in London. After I had finished there were several people waiting to ask me questions or to offer a Yashar Koiach. After everyone had left, one man remained behind. He approached and asked me if I lived in Manchester and I confirmed that I did. He then inquired which area in Manchester and I told him. His next question was whether I knew a certain person who lived there and I answered yes. "How is he getting on?" he asked. Next there tumbled a whole series of questions from my inquisitor. What did this person do for a living and how many children did he have and how old were they. I tried my best to answer but as I didn't know the person very well, I couldn't be sure about some details. Then it was my turn to pose a question, "How do you know him?" My questioner looked at me intensely and a very sad and pensive expression passed across his face. He hesitated, looked down at the floor and very quietly replied, "He's my son." I was taken aback and after a moment asked, "How is it that you don't know how many grandchildren you have?" I listened to his tale of a rebellious teenage son who had "gone of the rails" in a big way. The parents had tried every device they could think of to make their son see sense. They had tried bribery and threats and had got other people to try to talk to him but nothing had worked. One night in both frustration and desperation, the father had screamed at his son, "Get out. Get out and never come back!" and that's exactly what he had done. Fifteen years later the son had settled down and built his own family but he had never come back or had any contact with his parents. I listened with great sadness and told the father although I didn't know his son too well, I felt sure he would like to see him again. The father shook his head firmly and replied, "It's too late now, too much water has flowed under the bridge." Then an idea struck me. I suggested that if he gave me his address and phone number I could send him regular reports on how his son and his family were getting on. The father liked this idea and so we parted with me promising to keep him in touch. When I returned to Manchester, by coincidence I bumped into his son (you can always arrange coincidences.) I told him I had just returned from London and had met someone there who was asking after him. He inquired who it was and I paused and then replied "Your Father." He looked at me and said, "How is he getting on?" It was obvious that the son was as concerned for the father as the father was for the son. I told him that I thought that his father wanted to see him and uncannily he replied in the identical manner as his father had, " I don't think so, too much water has flowed under the bridge." I tried to persuade him he was wrong and then tried a different approach. " By coincidence I am going back down to London in three days time, suppose I were to take you to see your father?" The son hesitated and I carried on persuading till eventually he agreed. When I came home I phoned the father and asked him if he would be at home on that Thursday at one o'clock. He probably assumed I intended to phone with a report and confirmed that he would be in. I told him that I was bringing his son to see him and before he could reply I said goodbye and hung up. The drive to London passed unusually quickly. We located the house straight away and I walked with my very nervous companion towards the door. I rang the bell and a very long time seemed to elapse before it opened. The man who had so many questions a few days before stood anxiously looking at the face of the son he had missed for fifteen years. I watched as tears welled up in his eyes and started to course down his cheeks. I turned to the son and he too had tear filled eyes. The son took one step towards his father and the father rushed towards his son and they folded each other in a hug. After a few moments they turned and walked into the house. I found myself wonderfully redundant and paused to wipe the tears from my own cheeks before smiling my goodbye and getting into my car for the drive back to Manchester. A few months afterwards the son bought a house in London and moved with his family, to be near his father.

The Dubno Magid asks a question on Birchas Cohanim. The Cohanim face the Kehilla and say Yivorechecho V'Yismerecho, HaShem will Bless you and Guard you. Surely they should face the Oron HaKodesh and ask HaShem to bless and guard the Kehilla. He answers with a Moshul of a son who had behaved so badly that his Father turned his face from him and in shame the boy fled the house. The young man sought refuge with a neighbour and when he told his story the neighbour offered to mediate and reason with the father. The father listened as the neighbour pleaded with him to take the boy back and then replied, " You are a fool. He's my son and I love my son with every ounce of my being. If you want to help the boy go and explain to him what he's done wrong and how he should put it right. My door is always open to my son help him correct his fault so that he can come back, I'm eagerly awaiting his return." The Cohanim do not have to turn to ask HaShem to give his blessings to Klal Yisroel. His door is open to shower blessing on us always. All we have to do is make ourselves worthy to receive them and walk towards the door.

Recently on one Erev Rosh HaShono I opened my Machzor to insert an important piece of paper. Copying the practice of some Baalei Mussar, I had prepared a list of the things I needed to do Teshuva for. As I opened the pages I came upon a piece of paper from a previous year. I took it out and held both lists together. They contained the same list of faults in almost identical order. This happening was hardly a coincidence, the Soton had nearly achieved his goal. I felt disheartened and a hypocrite. It's a thought many people have told me crosses their minds on the Yom HaDin, whether they write down their shortcomings on a piece of paper or not, "Aren't I trying to do Teshuva for the exact same things this year as I did last year and the year before. I slipped back into the same old faults then, won't I do so all over again?"

The Alter of Slabotka, Reb Nosson Tzvi Finkel zt'l quotes the Posuk in Bereshis, "HaShem saw everything that he had created and it was very good." The Medrash says, this one was very good, the others were not! The Aibeshter had created other worlds before ours and had destroyed them as they were not "very good." How many worlds had HaShem created before this one? Nine hundred and seventy four! The obvious question is how could the Borei Olom ever make something, which was not perfect, "very good?" And even if, Chas V'Sholom he had made "failed" worlds and then had to destroy them, why tell us about it. There was no one surviving from earlier creations to point to the fact they were flawed. The Alter explains that the creating of our world upon failed worlds was quite intentional. HaShem tells us about them so that we will realise that Binyan comes from Churban. It is similar to a Hava Amino and a Maskono in a Dvar Torah. One doesn't reach the correct Maskono without having toyed with a Hava Amino or even several which were incorrect.

The Limud for us is that we are not expected to reach the Maskono until we have tried and failed perhaps many times. We can fail as Yidden no fewer than 974 times before we get it right. HaShem created that number of failed worlds and told us about it to encourage us not to let our present lack of perfection prevent us from persevering towards our final goal.

The Rosh Yeshiva of Sunderland, Rabbi Shamai Zahn Shlito, often tells his Talmidim not to become frustrated with what they see as their lack of progress. He asks them to imagine the sort of clocks that used to be found in train stations and some times still are. These machines are enormous and have huge hands. On some clocks, the minute hand moves dramatically and abruptly from minute to minute. Stationary at five past the hour, it will suddenly fall, to position itself at six minutes past. On other clocks the minute hand moves slowly and imperceptibly so that it gradually arrives from five to six minutes past. "Some Bochurim" he will say, "expect to see progress like the hands of the first clock, sudden, dramatic and obvious. More usually however, change comes about slowly and gradually.

We are not expected to "get it right" straight away. It may take many Rosh HaShonnas before we compare lists and find that one of the items from last year is no longer on the new one. But as long as we are sincerely trying to do Teshuvah, we should feel no hesitation about standing before the Oron HaKodesh on Rosh Hashona. He is after all Avinu Sh'BaShamayim, His door is always open, particularly to us who received His assurance and encouragement, Bonim Atem L'HaShem Elokeichem.