A number of years ago, I went along to the wedding of two young people I had known since they were university students. They were getting married at a very difficult time, as there had recently been a terrible tragedy in one of the families. An atmosphere was present at the wedding which was casting a pall over what should have been the happiest day in the young couples life. There was only going to be one speech given at the wedding and I had been asked to give it. I knew that when I spoke it didn't have to be a good speech it had to be a very very good speech. I some how had to hint at the family tragedy while still managing to nudge everyone forward towards lifting the atmosphere from sadness to celebration. I spoke for ten minutes and when I concluded I had done the job. Both families had tears in their eyes.....but there were smiles there too. As I walked from the top table the groom leapt up to shake my hand and pulled me towards him for a hug. When he released me, I fell back and my leg brushed against a small table which stood in front of the main table. I took two steps and then heard a funny "crunch" noise.

Now this little table had had a purpose. It was the table upon which had stood ........the wedding cake, and when I say had stood I mean had. This expensive and magnificent creation standing in three tiers, now lay in pieces on the floor. From tears and smiles at what I had said, there was now gales of laughter at what I had done. I recalled this incident for about two years after... with acute agony and embarrassment. I became a Gateau-phoebe. The mere sight of a cake...any cake, would have me reliving the whole disaster, painfully ,cringingly, all over again.

And then I mentioned the story to my rabbi and he looked at me strangely,

" Why do you focus on the negative bit of the story and not the positive? Why concentrate on the embarrassing part and ignore the fact that you managed to find the words that brought a couple happiness and allowed them to enjoy their wedding day ?"

Some religious Jews have the custom to spend five minutes before going to sleep at night reviewing what they have done on that day, where they have succeeded as human beings and where they have failed. A friend told me he asked his Rabbi whether he thought this custom was a good idea. "Oh certainly" the Rabbi replied " As long as you review your achievements first ."