In the last paragraph of the Amida which a Jew repeats three times daily we pray, " And to those who curse me, let my soul be silent. Let my soul be as dust to everyone."
Dust is trodden on , it does not hit back.
In the Sedra of Nasau the Torah introduces us to Birchas Cohanim, the formula of words by which the Cohanim bless the Jewish Nation. The Cohanim stand with their backs to the Aaron Ha Kodesh and say.... " HaShem will bless you and guard you etc." The Dubno Magid asks why the Cohanim don't face towards the Aaron and say " Please Ha Shem, Bless them ". He answers with a story. There was once a son who hurt and offended his father. The father threw the son out and the boy sought help from his uncle. The uncle took the boy in and went to see his brother to try to bring about a reconciliation. The father listened patiently to his brother and then replied " You are a foolish man, He's my son! and I love my son. But he has done something wrong and he has to realise what he's done. You are speaking to the wrong person. My door is always open to my son, go and tell him what he has done wrong ".
The Cohanim don't need to ask HaShem for his Brocho, he is always happy to give it. We have to be ready and able to receive it. The Cohanim face the people to emphasise this fact.
The very last Mishna in the Talmud ends the Oral Torah by saying " G-d could not find a vessel which could contain blessing except Shalom." The Dubno Magid, explains that if a Cooper makes a barrel then it will only contain the liquid, if all the boards fit together. If the boards separate then no matter how much you want to pour in, the liquid wont stay. Only when there is Shalom between Jews can the brocho which HaShem wants to pour into the Jewish people remain.
In Breishis we read of the fight " Riv ", between the shepherds of Avroham and Lot. The argument was based on the fact that G-d had promised the land of Israel to Avroham. Lot's shepherds claimed that as Avroham had no children and Lot would be his inheritor, that gave them the right to graze their animals even on the land of the Canaanites. Avroham's Shepherds agreed with the promise but argued that the timing wasn't right " The Canaani and the Perizi still lived in the land " Avroham speaks to Lot and says " Don't let there be a Merivah between you and I and between your Shepherds and mine." Avroham is revealing the secret of diffusing a conflict...nip it in the bud !
There had only been a conflict between the shepherds a " Riv " but Avroham uses the Feminine word Merivah.
Intrinsic to being female is the potential for reproduction, males do not reproduce but do start the process going. Avroham was pointing out that from a small conflict there comes a mushrooming and reproducing till it encompasses those not previously involved.
It is obvious that Lot's shepherds got their information from Lot. It was wrong, why didn't Avroham take Lot aside and tell him so, he was after all his teacher, his uncle and his brother in law? And so we return to me and my Glasgow childhood. There are times when intervening is appropriate and will produce results. There are other times when even though what would be said, would correct an injustice and be true and right; but in one small victory lie the seeds of a bigger defeat. Avroham tells Lot that the crucial thing is not to let this fight spoil their relationship. His calculation is that Lot will continue to attach himself to the beliefs and practice of Avroham even though they may have to physically separate. Avroham judges that more will be gained with his relationship with Lot bt saying nothing. Avroham was right , Lot continued to practice Avroham's teachings, even defying the laws of Sodom by offering hospitality to two strangers who come to that city. In Sodom whose motto was "Ouslande
rs raus " welcoming foreigners was a capital crime!
In the final seventeen years of Yaakov's life he is reunited with his lost son Yoseph. He moves to Goshen, a designated Jewish area of Egypt and is at last surrounded by his entire family. The first one hundred and thirty years of Yaakov's life were years of trouble and conflict. His brother Easuv fought with him from the womb. Yaakov has to flee his brother and he then endures life with his swindling father in law Lovan. His daughter is raped and kidnapped and his son Yosef disappears, apparently killed. Rabbi Shimshon Rephoel Hirsch asks a strange question; which was the best part of Yaakov's life, the first or the last? The answer is obviously the first part.....but asks Rabbi Hirsch where was the challenge ? where was the battle fought and won ?
There are times when it is surely right to fight or fight back......but the general approach should be as it says in the Amida, " To those that curse me let my soul be silent ".
To know when it is appropriate to walk away from a conflict like Avroham with Lot or to engage in one, like Avroham going to war to save Lot from kidnap by the kings who defeated Sodom in battle, is not easily perceived. One has to have the intuition of an Avroham. If like me, you don't have it yourself, then avoid a fight until you've asked a shayla of a great Rov.