R'ei

An elderly friend told me the other day about a friend of his who had died. On his tombstone he had instructed that there be carved the words, "This is the absolute end!"

I heard of someone buried in a New Orleans graveyard on whose Headstone is written,

" I told you I was sick!"

How societies deal with death could make a very good and long thesis for a PhD.

In the Sedra of R’ai, there are two Posukim which declare the Torah’s attitude to someone dying, Chpt 14 Vs. 1&2

"Sons you are to the L-rd your G-d. Do not mutilate yourselves nor make a bald patch on your head as a sign of mourning. For a holy nation are you to the L-rd your G-d and you G-d has chosen to be a special nation from all the peoples on the earth."

There seem to be two distinct reasons given here to prohibit "extreme" forms of mourning. The Soporno explains that the first reason is that as we are sons of HaShem’s. That means that even after the passing of a very close relative we are never left alone. There is always another relationship able to support us Avinu Sh'Bashamyim, our Father in heaven. The other reason is that we are an Am Kodesh, a Holy Nation. That means we know that there is a next world waiting for us. We will be re-united with the person who has simply left to go there earlier than those of us who are left behind. Our existence in this world is solely in order to gain a place there in the first place.

The Ramban adds another very human dimension in his commentary to these two Posukim. "The Torah does not however prohibit tears. It is the nature of human beings to cry whenever someone they love is leaving them, even during our lives."

Reb Mattisyohu Salamon Shlita, of Lakewood Yeshiva often illustrates this by pointing out the reaction of a mother when her son leaves home for Yeshiva. She has wanted this moment for her son ever since he was born. She may have had to fight and struggle to get him accepted. Yet when he leaves she will cry. When my own son left for his Yeshiva a few weeks ago his mother waived him off through a flood of tears while telling him "Don’t worry; I’m happy really."

We may and will cry upon the passing of a relative or close friend. More than that though, contradicts our absolute conviction that there will be a reunion, that this is not "The absolute end."